Funny Questions to Ask a Person That Just Had Wisdom Teeth Removed
My 16-year-old's wisdom teeth needed to come out.
The surgical assistant at the oral surgeon's office explained that the third set of molars are called "wisdom teeth" because they typically don't surface until we're in our late teens or early 20s, a supposed "age of wisdom" and hence the name.
I don't know about that, I thought, eyeing Sawyer, who considers Slim Jims an appropriate breakfast food.
Either way, his bottom two wisdom teeth had come in sideways. The top two were stuck, too.
She told Sawyer what (not) to eat or drink before surgery, what to wear (something comfortable with short sleeves) and to wear his glasses instead of contacts.
Oh, and I should make sure my cell phone battery was charged; I'd probably want to shoot video of him before the anesthesia wore off.
Oh, yeah. I've seen those videos, like the infamous 2009 video "David After Dentist," in which a little boy asks, "Is this real life?" More recent online postings online show teenagers in post-op haze rambling about celebrity crushes and previously undisclosed curfew violations.
When my friend Rhonda's son had his wisdom teeth out last year, he made a pizza in the car on the way home. He stretched and tossed dough only he could see, asked his mom through a gauze-filled mouth which toppings she preferred, and then put the whole thing into the glove box to bake.
It's funny stuff. The surgical assistant also explained that anesthesia can act as a truth serum of sorts. She said brothers who had their wisdom teeth out at the same time had told their mother afterward how much they enjoyed marijuana -- and where she could find their stash. (The sock drawer, of course.).
Some young patients were onto it and had requested their parents not be allowed back to see them until they were fully lucid.
"Awesome," I said. "I'll prepare a list of questions." Sawyer raised one eyebrow at me.
I remember getting my wisdom teeth out. Kind of.
I remember the recovery anyway, lying on the couch and eating chocolate milkshakes with a spoon. My mom doesn't remember interrogating me about anything; she only remembers me being sleepy.
Fair enough. One of the great joys of my adulthood has been telling her about the things I actually was doing when she thought I was at the library studying or spending the night at a friend's house.
So while I initially thought grilling a half-aware son could be fun, now I wondered, did I want to know?
For the most part, our conversations about some tough subjects – alcohol, drugs, sex and safety – have been pretty candid. I've answered every question he's asked. He's been surprisingly open.
But Sawyer is at the age now that he's spends more time with his friends and less time around adults. He makes his own plans and comes and goes, accordingly.
He probably has more to hide.
The day of the surgery, my battery charge was at 100 percent. Afterward, Sawyer was adorably wobbly. He let me hold his hand.
Another surgical assistant took him out to the car in a wheelchair and poured him into the passenger seat. I buckled his seatbelt.
His eyes were half closed, his body limp, an ice pack wrapped around his face.
"Poor monkey," I said softly.
"No, I'm not a monkey," Sawyer slurred around a mouthful of blood-soaked gauze. "I'm an ape. There's a big difference. (Mumble, mumble.) More accurately, I'm homo erectus."
I cracked up.
"I thought you were going to ask me questions," he said.
So I did, and the answers were reassuring.
I got Sawyer home, all 6-feet of him, and onto the couch. I took off the ice pack, and Sawyer gently prodded his swollen face.
"What's on my face? Is this my face?" he asked.
It was. I showed him in a mirror. His eyes fluttered closed.
"I love you," I told him.
"I love you, Mom." And he mumbled, "You shouldn't worry so much."
Maybe he is wiser than I thought.
Reach Bland at karina.bland@arizonarepublic.com or 602-444-8614. Read her blog.
Source: https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/best-reads/karinabland/2015/09/02/karina-bland-my-so-called-midlife-teenagers-wisdom-teeth-extraction-truth-serum/71599658/
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